There are a lot of things people wrongly assume about people with spinal cord injuries. That they are depressed, low-income, and lonely could very well be in the top three. Another one of the mistruths often believed is that wheelchair-users are unable to safely raise young children or any children for that matter. Court case after court case has occurred with parents with disabilities fighting for their parental rights.
Parents with disabilities have endured parental discrimination since the dawn of humanity. They’ve been ridiculed by family, friends, strangers, and public servants about their ability to be a fit parent. This close-mindedness has torn families apart. Sadly it is a common human trait to see disability as the worst circumstance a human could endure and that it makes one co-dependent. Some commit suicide if faced with an acquired disability like a spinal cord injury.
This is why it comes to no surprise that parents with disabilities face such disdain. It takes a one-on-one experience with a person with a disability to erase prejudices. And if a person doesn’t have a family member, friend, or co-worker with a disability, the way they view “disability” may end up skewed or incorrect. So many people never really get to know a person with a disability, and parents with disabilities are discriminated against as a result.
The silver lining is that parents with disabilities are finally being open about the discrimination they’ve faced and the media is sharing their stories. No longer do parents with disabilities need to suffer alone or feel like the world doesn’t care. In a recent news story on CTV in Toronto, a mother in a wheelchair was spat on by a stranger while she was at the park with her 22-month-old daughter. She says a man came up to her, removed his mask, and spat on her. He didn’t say a word and was never caught.
Kaney O’Neill, a C5-6 quadriplegic and mother from Chicago in 2009 had to fight to keep her newborn son. She won, but it took 18 months of battling the court system and a prejudiced lawyer to prove she was fit. O’Neill had to show she could take care of the child if he was distressed, especially in the middle of the night, to the court. She was able to do so by working with an occupational therapist, buying special adapted parenting equipment, and utilizing the help of personal care assistants.
O’Neill’s story and the woman’s story in Toronto are just two of thousands of instances where a parent’s ability to be a good parent was opened criticized or condemned because they had a disability. Here is the US, the law is often on the side of the parent if they can prove they’re fit, even if they have a disability. Sadly, this is not the case in other countries.
Fortunately, things have definitely improved since 2009 for parents with disabilities. The headline, Should a Quadriplegic Mom Have Custody? was published in the New York Times in response to O’Neill’s case as recent as 10 years ago. Fortunately, such a headline now would be considered ableist. Parents of all disabilities – visual, physical, and intellectual – can still be amazing parents and the younger generation has been more open to seeing this.
Ultimately, a child doesn’t need a parent who can walk. A child needs a parent who is always there and shows them, unwavering constant love. Ask any parent with a spinal cord injury and they will tell you that this is what a child needs and values the most. Not a parent up on two feet.
