After a spinal cord injury, it's common to feel angry, especially if someone caused your injury by being irresponsible or malicious.
Feeling frustrated and angry is a natural response and you shouldn't suppress your anger. Bottling up your feelings can lead to anxiety and other issues.
Learning to manage and overcome your anger is an important part of recovery. It can help your mood and improve your long-term mental health.
Here are healthy and effective ways to process and move past your anger after a spinal cord injury.
One of the first things you should do after a spinal cord injury is to seek a therapist or other mental health professional to help you process trauma, develop coping strategies, and guide your emotional recovery.
Consider working with:
Most SCI rehabilitation centers can refer you to qualified therapists familiar with spinal cord injury. Many health insurance plans cover these services, and some providers offer sliding-scale fees based on income to make care more affordable.
Redirect anger so that it becomes a positive force in your life. Use your anger as motivation and channel that energy into productive action. One approach is to redirect your anger toward solving the problems that led to your injury and helping protect others from getting hurt in the future.
Try spreading awareness, advocating for change, and making things safer for everyone. Getting involved can be fulfilling and turn your negative experience into something that led to positive action. Even if your personal impact seems small, every positive action and contribution is important and your work may have a larger impact than you think in the long term.
You can become an activist in small ways. A common approach is spreading awareness of the issues that led to your injury and advocating for positive change. For instance, if your injury resulted from a medical error and you're frustrated with the doctor or hospital responsible, you can use that anger as motivation to push for better healthcare safety standards.
Call or write to your local officials and government representatives. Tell them your story and ask them to improve regulations or make other changes to help solve the problems you faced. Activism is one way to turn anger into action that can help you release that anger in a positive and fulfilling way.
If you were injured due to a safety hazard or dangerous situation, you can try to make it safer to protect others from being injured in the same way.
For example, if you were injured in a car accident by a driver going over the speed limit, you could request better road signs, more street lights, or speed bumps to prevent future accidents and make the road safer for everyone.
If your injury happened in a location like a pool, a park, or a trail, finding ways to help make those areas safer can be a great way to redirect your anger. Thinking about the bigger picture and doing what you can to solve problems is usually healthier than directing all of your frustration at the person who injured you.
Another way to redirect your anger is by seeking justice. If your injury is still relatively new, it may be both mentally and financially beneficial to contact a personal injury lawyer to see if it is possible to take legal action against the responsible party. Holding them accountable (or at least knowing that you tried) may give you some closure.
Note that most states have a statute of limitations for personal injury cases, so consulting with a lawyer early is important.
If you were harmed by a medical professional, you can also report the negligent or unethical behavior to the licensing agencies and organizations in your state.
The agency may decide to suspend the provider's license, issue a warning, or take no action. The risk of losing their license could make the physician more careful, hopefully preventing them from harming other patients in the future.
Many people with SCI will tell you that even if someone or something was responsible for their injury all those years ago, they have moved on from any anger they may have had.
But they will also make sure to quickly follow up by saying, "But that doesn't mean I have forgiven." That's an important distinction. It means that they accepted they couldn't change the past and focused on trying to live a fulfilling life.
They moved on with their lives, got married, had children, found new hobbies, and started new careers. It's about moving forward instead of looking back, believing that you can still have a fulfilling life, and focusing on how to overcome the challenges of living with an SCI.
There's nothing wrong with being angry and honestly expressing that anger as long as you find healthy ways to do so and don't allow your anger to become toxic and negatively impact you, your life, and your relationships.
The more you focus on your anger and negative thoughts, you may find yourself in a spiral of feeling frustrated and depressed. Letting go of some of your anger can improve your mood and allow you to focus more on positive and productive things that deserve your attention.
Moving past your anger doesn't mean you have to forgive the people responsible for your injury. Forgiveness is a personal decision and, depending on the circumstances, it may be difficult to truly forgive someone for causing your injury, especially if they haven't apologized.
When you feel angry, try not to let it take over your thoughts. Remember that there are positive things in your life that deserve your focus and attention.
A simple but effective method for moving past anger toward the responsible party is a therapeutic technique – literally writing a letter to the person responsible for your injury. Be frank and honest about how you feel and write exactly what you want to say to the person. There's no need to hold back your true feelings because after writing the letter, you can throw it in the trash.
Writing the letter is a way to vent and get all of your thoughts and anger out of you and onto paper so they aren't bottled up inside. It's a very popular and recommended method of journaling. Consider sharing the letter with your therapist or counselor to help process your feelings.
A lot of people living with spinal cord injuries have just one person to blame for their injury – themselves. And for many, this can be worse than having someone outside them to blame, which can be easier. Since time travel is out of the picture, you will need to find a way to live with some anger.
Living with a sliver of anger is something that many people with spinal cord injuries do and they don't let it overwhelm their lives. Finding constructive ways to channel this energy can help prevent it from becoming overwhelming.
While it may be difficult to recognize at first, particularly for those newly injured, as the years pass after your injury you may meet people and experience things you would never have experienced otherwise.
While most would have rather not had their injury occur, focusing on positive things that have happened after your injury can help with lingering anger.
After you've taken the time you need to process how you feel, you might find that trying to have empathy for the person or entity responsible for causing your injury can help you release some of your anger. You may need to have empathy for yourself if you feel partly responsible for what happened.
We're all human and we all make mistakes. Even actions with good intentions can have unfortunate and grave consequences.
If you're able to feel empathy for the responsible party and maybe even forgive them, it may give you closure and help you move on from your anger. Feeling empathy for someone who has hurt you is easier if they've taken accountability, apologized, and tried to make things right. Don't feel bad if you're not able or not willing to feel empathy or forgive them.
Be honest with yourself about how you feel and talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist to process your feelings and for emotional support. If you're struggling with managing your anger or other emotions, remember that help is available 24/7 through the National Crisis Hotline at 988.